The Parkside Gentlemen's Association

The Parkside Gentlemen's Association was launched recently at The Elm Tree.

The Gentlemen’s Association of Parkside in Proud Partnership with the Elm Tree Public House present:

richard drinks.jpg

The Quest to find Cambridge's ultimate Pork Scratching

The Association's first meeting saw the culmination of an intensive study into just what makes the perfect Pork Scratching.

The group included Elm Tree Regulars who are also teachers of the nearby Parkside Community College.

The mission: to identify the best Pork Scratching available in Cambridge today.

Some delicious scratchings

The group tested scratchings of seven different varieties - from major national brands to local butcher's produce - and marked them on various stages of the Scratching Taste Sensation factors: presentation, taste, texture, and the all important finish. Those tasting were not aware of the brand of scratching untill the end of the process to ensure fairness.

“This is not just a bit of fun, this is a fascinating, and crucial piece of research. The team has worked extensively on this independent study; acquiring the maximum varieties available, and also to develop the appropriate system to test and evaluate them.”

Said one Member

A serious debate

Another teacher commented:

“We worked with The Elm Tree as the venue for the climax of this action/research investigation project, firstly because of its location, and secondly because of its super range of real ales – with all this salt intake it is vital to have plenty of natural, locally produced fluids to consume – or the tasting would just not be accurate enough.”

The team assess the scratchings' asthetic values

It was a tough contest, which resulted in a tie-break situation. So Steve the Landlord was called upon to give the final verdict.

Mmmmm....

Findings

Steve announces the long awaited results...

Results & Evaluation

The Gentlemen’s Association of Parkside in Proud Partnership with the Elm Tree Public House present:
The Annual Pub Fare Taste Challenge
(Pork Crackling Connoiseurs Only)

General observations

Andrew Northrop Butchers (1st place)

Inconsistency between scratchings on texture
Fun
Marginal difference between particular samples, leading to confusion in the final judgement
This has many good features that qualify it. Pork rind is mainly crackling with a hint of age. Some pork oaking of this flesh.
Variation within a scratching – hard and melting within one scratching
Better in this light
Pretty much perfect: good start, long finish

Pete’s Butchers (2nd place)

A complete scratching package
Fine
Consistent performance
This has teeth-snappingly good flavour, if a little stale. Very robust, it has excellent variation.
A very melt in the mouth sensation
Nice to have a bit of meat

Histon Butchers (4th place)

Too hard on occasion. Some pube-like hairs.
Fickle
This can be a winsome, tough customer. Flirty but brutal.
Compact looking. Some very small shards, a little bitter in taste.
Too big; caused me to snap my pencil
Good start, disappointing finish

Leo’s Oriental Kitchen (7th place)

A cheap scratching; a masquerade.
Fetid
Prawn Cracker-esque snack, unimpressively masquerading as a scratching
A feeble creation, proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain. It is a crisp, masquerading as a noble scratching. A synthetic enemy to all we hold dear.
Very airy, the taste diminishes in quality with time. Texture is surprisingly and welcomely different.
Must try harder! Feeble!
Extremely worrying. A charlatan of a scratching. Colour: this thing is very ill.

Green Top Snacks / Kingston Arms (5th place)

Looks manufactured and flavoured. Too salty, oddly shaped. Yeasty, marmite tones.
Feminine
Somewhat meagre in appearance and portion size. Gave rise to the possibility that “eating a pork scratching is much like making love to a beautiful woman.”
This has a hint of marmite. A light, crispy scratching, that crosses over to the false crisp relative. One’s beast is not impressed.
Appearance of flavouring sprinkled on top. Nice feel in the mouth, shame about the ‘bovrilness’
A touch of the summer in this bite – the quavers of the scratching world
Unusual with an alien ingredient: not unpleasant, but wouldn’t last the night

Mr Porky Traditional (3rd place)

A light dusting of flavouring, but it does enhance the strong flavour of blood. Balanced in texture and moisture – too salty though.
Firm
Haphazard appearance
A sturdier customer than the previous two, but nevertheless of a more indifferent quality
Variation in shape, salty, which lets it down. Hard exterior, welcome interior.
As salty as my face after a 10k run
Uncertain moisture surrounded by very unstructured body. Distinct possibilities of addiction.

KP Double Roasted (6th place)

A long-life scratching. Mealy, salty and bland. White wine vinegar high on the palette.
Feeble
Deceptively soft
Has many disturbing elements, namely: a propensity for brittleness, and a manufactured feel that sits unwell with the earlier efforts.
Pastry looking in daylight. Soggy, marmite tasting shite!
A touch of the French dressing